Racist & Christian? Check Your Book

Most of the posts that I have seen on social media from people that are against the Black Lives Matter Movement come from accounts that have American flags and/or Christian symbols as the profile photo.

Yes, this is a generalization, and I do not think that people who practice Christianity and Christian values would find any basis for racism in religion. (And yes, there’s plenty of racism within Muslim people, although it is forbidden in Islam).

Yet, the same person that will tell me that it’s black people’s faults that they’re oppressed will also say “God bless.” It bothers me. We have different beliefs, and we do not always agree, but these are universals of humanity.

So if you are Christian and think racism, oppression, or systemic inequalities are okay?

Check your book.

I did.

Here’s what I found…

Why Trump Is - and Also Isn’t - The Problem

One of my Facebook friends, someone who is a relative of someone who was once close to me and who grew up in an environment where I have heard quite a few racist remarks made if we’re being honest, posted today that he supports President Trump and will continue to do so.  He cited several examples of black people being killed during Obama’s presidency and questioned why only now that a Republican president is in office that "change in the White House is needed.”

I respect everyone’s right to have respect for their leaders and to stand by them and support them.  Saudi leaders are far from perfect, and yet in most scenarios I support them as well. I get it. 

And the crazy part? Trump is and isn’t the problem.  

I did a podcast yesterday - which I’ll share as soon as it comes out - and specifically noted that our leadership cannot be thought of as immortal.  I’m pretty darn Liberal, I know, but holding the president accountable - or anyone accountable - for every little thing that is said that can be interpreted negatively is irresponsible.  

We need to hold ourselves accountable, however.  

We have voices that we can use and while Trump in some ways is supposed to represent me as an American, I’m sure he’s never sat down and had a heart to heart with a 29-year-old American Muslim convert living in Saudi Arabia.  Just a hunch. He has no idea how I feel and yet, he is supposed to be a representative of me.  How is that possible? It’s the way politics (and leadership) works. 

But the world also gives us the incredible power to stand up for what we believe in and to acknowledge it. More recently the tool of social media has given us the ability to voice those opinions far and wide. 

So while you can list events in which Obama was in office when hate crimes occurred or injustice with law enforcement, there is a marked difference in the number of cases that have occurred after Trump took office.

Here are some facts:

• Hate crime violence overall was at a high in the end of 2019 - well into the Trump presidency.  

• There are studies done noting a marked increased in hate crimes and hateful sentiments that come in waves after Trump makes racist statements in the media.   (The link is to an article explaining the report).  

Sure, correlation is not necessarily causation - but can we continue to deny the fact there is a trend going on?

If you do deny this, it’s your right to be ignorant.  But morally, you’re responsible for your own education. It is your responsibility to look beyond how you were socialized and what agents of socialization impacted you. Did your lack of exposure impact our outlook? Did your friends? How about your family?

Dude, my family members say things about race that make me want to crawl in a hole and die, but I got out of that cycle through education and exposure to people that did not look exactly like me.  

And that’s what is supposed to happen. We learn, we grow, we evolve. We’re not cavemen and cavewomen.

You are supposed to take responsibility.  Unlearn the stuff that your parents said to you at two that made you look at black people like they were less than you because their parents taught it to them because their parents OWNED black people.  

Is it difficult? For sure.

Is it your RESPONSIBILITY as a human being? Absolutely.

Do you hate black people for being black? That’s asinine. 

Your soul that makes you who you are could JUST AS EASILY have been put into a black person.  Read that again.

And then, how would you want the world to respond? Who would you want to represent you?

If you want to support the president, go for it.  It’s your right. However, if you support his hatred, his hate speech, or the hate that stems from the things he says, it’s immoral.

Love for Your Brother What You Love for Yourself

When I’m home in the States people constantly ask me if I’m “afraid of getting my head cut off” living in Saudi Arabia.

Nope.

But what I’m afraid of is my fellow Americans breathing their last breaths with the same person that is HIRED TO PROTECT THEM kneeling on their necks. 

With the recent murder of George Floyd and the subsequent chaos that has rightfully ensued, I’m often reminded of my own ignorance. I grew up in a town where the only black person in our school had an NBA basketball player father and a white mother.  Diverse we were not.  I don’t think I was racist necessarily, but I was so ignorant towards other races. 

Then, I had the culture shock of my life when I was assigned to a dorm with five black women and myself as a freshman.  They made fun of me for wearing sweater vests, but within a few months I fit in so well with them.  

Did I ask stupid questions about hair care? FOR SURE.  But did I ever look at them like they weren’t deserving of the same treatment I received? HELL NO.

And they explained a lot of these issues to me about racial profiling and their struggles in the black community and as much as I could not relate, it really broke my heart.  There was also an instance when I used a racial slur at work COMPLETELY not knowing it was one.  When I was called in by HR I was literally shocked that there was racial significance to an offhand comment I made.  That’s how dumb I was, guys.  

Thankfully, I’ve taken it upon myself to educate myself since then. But if I’m being completely honest, besides surrounding myself from then on with a diverse group of friends, I haven’t done anything with the privilege I have had. I’ve prevented myself from continuing down a path of ignorance thanks to this experience,  Alhamdulilah, but I haven’t prevented others around me from doing so.  

The worst part? I literally have NO IDEA what to do to help.  Truly.  

I can share some stupid social media posts or I can seemingly make myself look righteous, but I would love feedback on what I can do - on a daily basis - not just now but in 3 years from now or 10 years from now?

In Islam, the Prophet Muhammad said, “None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself” (Bukhari & Muslim) and you better believe I would hate being treated the way black people are treated in the States.

Sure I’ve experienced Islamophobia, but I’m not in fear for my life if I ever interact with police officers.  Accordingly, I have a responsibility to you.

There is no doubt I was born into extreme privilege in many ways, and for that I have no one to thank but God, but He will also test me with how I use this privilege.  

Message me, tell me how I can help or contribute, give me PRACTICAL advice so I can be better and make sure that the privileges I am given by something as insignificant as birthright are shared by you.  

I pray there’s a day where I love for you what I love for myself.

And trust me, I love you.  I’m here for you.

Nine Years Later

Nine years ago today I took my shahada.  Today is a reminder how fast time goes by and how the path to Allah is winding and at times difficult, but every step is surely a blessing.  As time goes by, one thing I am forever thankful for is that my iman, or my faith in Allah, continues to grow.  My love for Him grows.  My trust in Him grows. 

I meet other converts who often tell me that they are not as blessed, and my only advice is that if you do not feel the presence of God in your life, you should go to Him.  Walk towards Him and He will rush towards you at His Will.  It might not be today or tomorrow, but as struggles in life continue to overwhelm you, look to Him for comfort and hope.  

The blessing of Islam is the biggest blessing in the entirety of my life.  Now, I cannot imagine my life down any other path and it is surprising to me that as nine years have gone by, Islam is my faith, my identity, and what I believe makes my life so valuable to me. 

Whatever your faith, I hope your connection with God continues to grow and strengthen throughout time - nine years or ninety years down the path to Him.  

I want to quickly thank all of the people that were instrumental in my journey and my conversion - you all know who you are and I pray that you receive all of the ajr that you are surely deserving of.  Thank you for showing me the true Islam.  I hope I am as good of a representation for others someday as you were for me then.  

If you’re thinking of converting, and wonder what your life might look like down the road, this is it, baby…

Happiness. Peace. Belonging. Love. Blessings on blessings, Alhamdulilah.

I love you all for His Sake.  Please keep me in your duaa.  

Mother's Day Without a Mother

Life as a grieving daughter isn’t always the easiest. The pain never goes away - especially when you’re reminded of the relationships of your friends with their moms and how - now that we are in our late twenties and early thirties - the tensions we had with our moms as teens are long gone and now my friends and their moms are besties.

That bond is much different when your mother is gone, but still it’s special.

I can’t drive to her house to visit. Still, I get to see her every time I look in the mirror - I grow to look more like her as time goes on - plus, my hands are near perfect copies of hers, so that’s something I’ve grown to appreciate.

More precious to me are all the lessons she has left me.

Once my mom had gotten a big tip from a customer and we went to go buy clothes at the mall - a rare occurrence with her basic income. Before we walked in, a homeless person outside the mall asked her to spare some change. She didn’t have change for the tip - it was one large bill. She gave him the whole $100 that was for our shopping spree. She didn’t even blink.

I thought my life was over. I wouldn’t get a new Limited Too shirt for school.

I think about that experience more often than I think about all of the clothes I’ve ever owned.

She was only with me for thirteen years, but even though she didn’t graduate the top of her class, or have a fancy career or a masters degree - or any other degree, for that matter - she taught me how to work hard for all that I have.

She was a struggling single mother that worked two jobs to provide for me. More importantly, she taught me to treat the janitor no differently than the CEO, to set high expectations for myself, to be self-sufficient and self-motivated, and, as the previous anecdote might hint at, how to be generous beyond compare.

I’m not successful because I was born into money or status, I’m successful because she was my mother by the Grace of God.

Without all of the titles and certificates and salary that my friends’ parents have, I am so incredibly proud to be her daughter and I hope I have the opportunity to fill her in on the missed time and make her proud.

Happy Mother’s Day to the best and most inspirational mama there ever was.

When Should I Convert?

Although many of the people that meet me and know me often forget I was not born Muslim and that I came to Islam almost a decade ago, converting was the best thing that has ever happened to me.  (Yes, I know some people use the word “reverting,” but it’s not about semantics).  

Converting to Islam has been the theme of my last few weeks of life - which is the most beautiful way I can think to start off my Ramadan. 

First, I was the guest on the Salam Girl Podcast (Click the link and make sure to listen & subscribe!) which is a podcast that is hosted by two Muslim converts, one of which was instrumental in my conversion, Nicole Queen. 

Then, I was able to organize a shahada for a girl that I had become acquaintances with. Now she’s our newest sister!  Thanks to COVID, did it on Zoom.  It was my first time giving someone his or her shahada personally (usually I take them to someone who is like… way… more Muslimy….). I was nervous. Maybe more nervous than when I did my own shahada. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house - or on the Zoom call? 

And then in the last few days, after feedback from the podcast listeners and random followers, a lot of people have asked me this critcal question: When should I convert?

May 27, 2011 was the day I took my shahada and it was the. best. day. of my life.  

The problem with it? I waited much too long.  I thought that converting was such a monumental event that all of the stars had to align and I had to know how to pray, how to fast, how to do every single detail before I could finally say the words “there is no god but Allah, and Prophet Muhammad is His messenger.”  

I was wrong. 

I will never be doing Islam right.  None of us will.  No one among us is worshipping Him perfectly.  In my perfectionism, I lost sight of the bigger picture. I waited EIGHT months, studying, questioning, memorizing… and yet, to be honest, I was Muslim that entire eight months in my heart.

If you’re reading this and you’re asking yourself ‘is it the right time for me to take my shahada?’ the answer is probably “YES!”  Here’s your sign, y’all.  

Ask yourself two questions:

Question 1: Do you believe that there is no god but Allah (which literally means “The God”)?

Question 2: Do you believe that the Prophet Muhammad is His Messenger?

Did you answer yes? 

Then there’s nothing to wait for. 

If you want, I can facilitate support for you in your town, or I can facilitate support for you amongst women online, or I can help you in any way that you feel comfortable to take your shahada.   We can Zoom. We can Facetime. We can Skype. We can invent a different form of communication if you’re more comfortable.

Did you answer no?

That’s PERFECTLY okay as well.  Maybe you’re still learning.  Maybe you have questions. That’s all just fine.  Just promise me that you look into these questions and find what you do believe in over time.  I’m still happy to be a resource.

I just want to say: do not take me as an example.  Instead, when you feel it, go for it.  If you need me, I’m here. No judgement. No pressure.  No matter what.  

Life Isn't Always Rainbows and Butterflies...

trust me, sixteen years ago on this day i learned that lesson at a young age when the world lost my mother - may God be pleased with her beautiful soul.  the night before she died, i remember praying harder than i ever thought was possible for a cure for her… i begged God not to take her because i was terrified of the thought of my life without her.  in many ways, i still am.  

and He took her.

she didn’t watch me graduate from high school or college.  she didn’t take photos of me at prom with the other parents. she won’t be at my wedding (but then again, i might never be at my own wedding either lol).  my children won’t ever meet her and dance around the living room with her. 

she’s gone.

but the lessons that i learned - and continue to learn - from losing her were far greater than the ones she could have taught me if she was here.  in fact, every big and small detail of my life would probably be vastly different if she were still around. but, that’s the beauty of God and His wisdom. it’s infinitely greater than our understanding.

call your mother.  go to her.  tell her how much you love her.  tell her you appreciate her.  spend all the time you can with her… because i can’t, and for the last sixteen years that’s all i’ve ever wanted to do. 

one day you will call her cell phone over and over just to hear her voice on the message machine.  one day you will sit in her closet just to smell her.  one day you’ll fight to stay asleep just to spend more time with her when she makes a cameo in your dreams.  God will take her, too.

i know the world’s a little crazy right now, but the part we can’t see right now is that there is a greater reason. after all, we plot and we plan, but God is the best of planners. make the most of our relationships and the things that really matter while we have time to do so. 

p.s. if you could please just say a little prayer for my mama today, i would appreciate it. 

may God magnify all of the goodness in her soul and when He decides on her fate may the goodness fill Heaven with it’s light.  may any positive thing i’ve ever done in this world reflect back on her deeds and any negative reflect only on me with Your Mercy.  and God, please grant me the opportunity to go to her, tell her how much i love and appreciate her, and spend my afterlife catching up on all our lost time. <3 

Their Faces

Their faces.

Holding their children.

Laughing. Smiling. Fifty-one of them.

This is Islam.  This is how Muslims are.

Do you think we are terrorists?

We’re daughters.  We’re husbands.  We’re children.

Their faces.

Their hijabs.  Their beards.  Their smiles.

Their souls. Their talents. Their gifts. 

They were all taken from us. 

These are my brothers and sisters.  

Their sacrifice. Their courage. Their last words.

And all I can think of when I hear the news

is their faces.

But what the killers - sorry, the terrorists - didn’t know?

Their places in Jannah, in Heaven.

Their martyrdom.  Their heroism. Their jihad. Their blessed death. 

Living as little birds that fly freely around the Throne of Allah.

I pray I am as lucky.

I am not sad for them.  I’m sad for the world that they left.

I’m sad because I see those same faces all around me.

In Jews, Christians, Atheists, Hindus, Muslims…

All brothers and sisters under the same God - or under humanity at the very least.

Divided by media.  Divided by oppression.  Divided by falsity. Divided by talking heads on the television.

But not divided by their emotions. Not divided by their expressions. Not divided by...

Their faces. 

The faces of my fifty-one  brothers and sisters in faith.

That will be shining in the Light of God for Eternity.