Do I Have To Wear Hijab To Be A Good Muslim? My Secret To Life Revealed

I met the sweetest girl at the masjid the other day, who is almost certain she is going to convert to Islam. During the conversation, she told me that Muslim people were REALLY being harsh with her, telling her to quit her job in the insurance business because it's HARAM and to keep her hijab on because taking it off is HARAM. She literally asked me, "Am I a bad Muslim if I don't wear hijab?"

She said she feels really shaken and she's scared if she can do all this stuff long term because she is so used to this life she's known since she was born.

And, I totally feel her pain.

See, for me, everyone told me NOT to wear hijab, NOT to quit my job (that may or may not have been considered haram), NOT to stress myself out.

It was nice that I was around laid back people, but at the same time I felt like I needed to do those things because Allah (swt) was driving me to do them.

On the other side, if someone was telling me everything in my life was HARAM, I don't think I would be able to make a distinction between what is best for me in the eyes of people and what is asked from me from Allah.

Keep in mind that when people convert, they're hearing enough trash from everyone else around them - their parents, their old friends, their coworkers - that as Muslims, we should try to do everything in our power to ease this conflict, not add to it.

So, I had to explain to her:

1. Never do something for other people.

2. Do whatever it is you do, for God.

 My secret hijab question: Do you feel comfortable in hijab? If so, wear it. Wear it for as many days as you feel comfortable.  When you start feeling uncomfortable without it on your head, make the commitment to wear it.  Or don't.  See, that's the thing, it's between YOU and Allah.

Not any one else but you.

Wearing hijab IS commanded by God in the Quran.  Have it as a goal, definitely, but don't kill yourself about it.

And here's the biggest secret of them all, that I wish I could tell every convert, every Muslim, and everyone in between:

All of these things - wearing hijab, your job, your prayers, etc... these are all just beautiful pieces to a perfect puzzle that is Islam.  

That's it.  For me, that's the secret to life, and one I have struggled with for a long time until I reached the realization.

I'm not perfect, I am constantly trying to work on the pieces and perfect them to the best of my ability.  At the end of the day, though, they're just pieces.

Don't treat the pieces as if they are the whole puzzle. 

May Allah (swt) make it easy on new converts, and those exploring Islam, and may He make us as Muslims better representations so that we may help converts in the best possible way as they enter into our faith. May Allah continue to shower us with blessings and the ability to make each puzzle piece more beautiful to Him daily, and eventually may He be pleased with our final puzzles - no matter how much of yours is complete when your time runs out.

Do You Shower With That On? And 11 Other Questions About Hijab...

1. ‘Do you shower with that on?’ Man, I really hope not, because if so I've really been doing it wrong.  No, of course not! I take my showers in the same outfit that all other girls in this world do: birthday suit.

2. ‘Do you ever get to show your hair to anyone besides your husband?’

Sure, all girls can see my hair! As for boys, only our fathers, brothers, children, grandfathers, etc... Close blood relatives. Cousins not included. Additional accessories sold separately.

3. ‘How old were you forced to put that on?’

I have yet to be forced :) I chose to wear hijab at age 20 on August 1, 2011, a few months after I took my shahada.

4. ‘Are you allowed to style it?’

There are many styles that girls do that are allowed as long as our hair is covered. Ultimate goal is modesty, though, so anything that draws attention should be avoided.  I wear a normal, black hijab, very "classically" wrapped.

5. ‘You get to take it off when you get married, right?’

In front of my husband, YOU BET! And I can't wait!

6. Do you have sex with that on?’

I can't answer this from my own experience, but I sure would hope not... Don't think that would be great for the hubs...

7. ‘Can I touch it?’

Nope, it bites. But, seriously, NO! I don't want you to touch my head. Can I caress your hair? No? That's weird. SAMEZIES. Go to TJ Maxx, buy another scarf and touch it all you want. It will be the same exact thing.

8. ‘Is it pinned to your skull?’

Yes, when we are born we have special magnets implanted in our skulls and then the pins secure to the magnets...

NO! 9. ‘How do you get passed airport security?’

Not easily. I get the full pat down, wands, magical potions, etc...

10. ‘How many colors do you have?’

One. Black.

I used to have hundreds. Every color you can imagine, but now I stick with basic black.

11. ‘I bet your hair is soooo long!’

VERY.

12. ‘Teach me how to belly dance.’

Only if you teach me how to Dougie.

Posts to come over the next two days with the rest of the questions!

Do You Get Hot In That? Wearing Abaya in Los Angeles

So, recently I have made the HUGE decision to wear abaya along with my hijab (I don't think it's huge but most other people have treated me like I turned into a sheiykha all of a sudden - but that's not accurate). [Note: for those who don't know, abaya is a long black "dress" that covers your whole body]

Yes, it's a definitely scary step that I struggled with for a while, but I realize it's another step in modesty that I have been wanting to take, just didn't know how to break it to everyone.

I thought that my boss may not be a fan of it, or my friends would look at me differently when we go out...

Then I realized, I'm doing this for my modesty and my God and I don't care about anything else! I don't care if I lose all my clients, or if my friends don't want to be seen with me in public, or people make stupid comments and act like I can't speak English even more than they already do.

That's FINE! I can't control ignorance. I can only control my own intentions.

Just today I was reading a list of questions that Muslim women get on a page where they submit annoying questions - unanswered - to "vent."

I thought to myself, instead of venting, I should probably just answer the questions! After all - that's kinda my thing ;)

So here's the first one - on the topic of my new found abayaness : "Do you get hot in that?"

HECK YES!

The sun is hot. I live in Los Angeles. If the top is down on my convertible I absolutely roast like a baked potato.

There's no secret air vent under there, no built in air conditioner, no tiny gnome in my dress fanning me with all his strength.

You put it together, hunny! Yes, I'm hot! A lot of the time I'm hot!

All the heat that leaves my head is trapped in my hijab, too!  It's not a good look when I unwrap myself on a hot summer day in LA. I'm kind of melted.

This may bother you, this may make you think I'm suffering, or I'm hurt because I am hot, but guess what? I don't mind the heat!

Sure, I get a little annoyed and frustrated sometimes, but I'd much rather be hot in choosing to do something for God than to be cool with only myself in mind.

There are sacrifices I'm willing to make for things I feel strongly about and things that I think may help me in my everlasting quest to Heaven - because God knows I have so many sins I could use some redemption.

And, I must say, I'm much more comfortable being a little sweaty under this thing than I would be with my cleavage showing, or my butt cheeks hanging out, or if I peeled on skinny jeans (literally - PEELed on... like a fruit...).

So dear friends of all races and religions that passed me in the mall today and looked at me like I was crazy, please know I am crazy. But, my craziness has nothing to do with my abaya or my hijab.

You don't have to speak extra loud so I can hear your attempts at English communication with me, my friend at Teavanna.

You don't have to take pictures of me when we get into the elevator together, Mr. Asian guy yesterday at Third Street Promenade.

You don't need to worry about how hot I may be.

You don't need to tell me that this outfit isn't necessary, my sweet Iranian friends I saw yesterday doing dawah.

I know it's not necessary, but it's what I feel best in. And I don't say anything about the fact that it's not necessary to show your entire naked body walking down the street... so I'd like the same respect.

But, to the beautiful little girl I met at Sephora on Tuesday who asked me if I am a princess: Yes, gorgeous, I am!

Your question will never cease to bring a huge smile to my face - not because I think of myself as a princess (because I don't) but because of this:

You have the ability to see me as a confident woman in a pretty dress due to your innocence, instead of the threat to society your adult self may see me as. I pray that the innocence that you have won't be tarnished by the media as you grow up, because your simple 4 year old comment made me smile all week in LA's scorching heat.

May Allah (swt) guide us all to a form of modesty that both we feel comfortable with and that is pleasing to Him, and may we all continue to remember that hijab in its various forms are still just a piece of the puzzle that makes up Islam.

Did You Drop Something? Is There Something on the Ground? How I Have Experienced Public Prayer....

Prayer in Islam happens at least five times a day for every Muslim at each of the times that the prayer is called. I could write a million words on how beautiful it is, the process, how I feel when I'm done, but a reader had requested I write specifically regarding my more "interesting" experiences of trying to pray in America - WHEREEVER I may be.

First, you must understand that there are time periods that we have to pray. So, if it's getting close to the next prayer and you haven't prayed the last one, you have to bust out your prayer rug and complete the prayer before the next prayer call.

A quick note on awkward times that involve the athan, or call to prayer, specifically.  I have my phone set up to go off with the athan when it's time to pray.  The athan starts with "ALLAHU AKBAR," which has become synonymous in the media with terrorist activity.

In reality, it just means "God is the Greatest" in Arabic. And He is.

Other people don't know the meaning of the words, however, so I have enjoyed having my athan go off - LOUDLY - in the following places. SubhanAllah - I feel that whenever I am in a situation that I need to be discreet it goes off more loudly than even the loudest settings on my phone.

Anyways, here are some goodies when my athan has gone off:

1) When getting into an elevator with a large bookbag on my back.

2) When in line at the post office with a huge package

and, best of all...

3) Sitting in the terminal about to board a plane from Ohio to Boston.

Needless to say, all three times were a bit awkward.  The last one causing people to physically move away from me.

On to awkward prayer situations:

Experience #1: During my first Ramadan, I wanted to try to spread the idea of fasting to my friends.  My best friend, a strict Christian girl, said that she would be happy to give it a shot to be in solidarity with me.  I told her we can meet at sunset at Chipotle to break our fasts.  So, we got to talking and one thing lead to another and long story short, I had 2 minutes to pray.

Now, I was in Chipotle. There is no place to go and pray in Chipotle.  I can't hide behind any booths, it's a wide open space.  So, I asked her to come with me to the parking lot. I had her protect me as I prayed so that no one would come up to me or say anything to me.

She was happy to do it. I prayed in the parking lot, on the hard, harsh ground, and then halfway through she said something to me.  It is supposed to be a time of reflection and complete focus during the prayer and she said "you know what just hit me? you look like a wizard! I bet a lot of people think you're a wizard in your little cape.  You just need a pointy hat."  It's pretty hard to keep focus in this situation.

Experience #2: Just a few days after that  first experience, I had the pleasure of being invited to iftar, or the breaking of the fast during Ramadan, every night by my dear convert friend Michelle and her husband and his family.

Her father-in-law is the sweetest Egyptian man I could ever imagine and he would spend his entire day cooking for us.  When we got to talking, time slipped away from us and we had to pray quickly before heading to the mosque for taraweeh.  One of these nights, her husband told us to hurry so he could start the prayer - he was the leader at the time.  We were ready, standing behind him, just she and I.  Her father-in-law rushed to clean himself - another requirement of the prayer - and came to pray with us immediately afterward.

His shorts that he was wearing were a little short and so he thought it would be appropriate to cover himself in a NEON YELLOW towel and walk into the room with us.  He looked like a wannabe playboy when he entered the room.  We had already began the prayer and, may God forgive me, we couldn't stop laughing when we saw him. We had to physically separate from the prayer, go pray in DIFFERENT rooms, in order to finish it. Her husband yelled at us the entire way to the mosque, but it was not fair because he didn't have the same view of his dad walking in that we had the pleasure of experiencing.  An awkward car ride.

Experience #3: Praying at work.  I had been praying in my large cubicle for a while and hadn't had any problems.  The prayers we do during the hours of work are mostly quiet so there is little that would lead to anyone's concern.  The way I had to face in my cubicle - so as to point towards Mecca - was an awkward position should someone pass by my cubicle's opening.

So, while praying, I was in a position during the prayer where I was bent over and the woman across from me happened to pass by.  She asked me, "Did you drop something?! What are you looking for? Can I help you to find it?!?"

Because we are supposed to be in a time of complete concentration, I couldn't answer her.  She thought I was being rude and she proceeded to explain how rude this is, while I finished my prayer.  I bought her a Starbucks giftcard and brought it to her to explain after lunch :)

Experience #4: After Thanksgiving Dinner, it is traditional here in America to go to the stores and wait in line for the best deals on Black Friday.  My friends and I had decided to go from eleven o'clock at night on Thanksgiving and we drove to a far away mall in Michigan that had the most luxurious stores and the best deals.  We were there from midnight to 8 in the morning.

We nearly passed out.

While we were there, the morning prayer athan went off.  I was distracted and busy and didn't hear it.  Then, I looked at the time and realized I only had 3 minutes to pray.

I RAN (literally) to a bathroom to wash up - and RAN back to my friends across the mall.  I asked them to block me so that no one would be concerned or ask me questions during the prayer.

And, in the middle of Somerset Mall, I prayed my little heart out.  

Keep in mind other shoppers are still totally around - and concerned - about what I'm doing.  The entire time I was praying, my friends had to apologize for my awkwardness while a family of Japanese tourists were EXTREMELY frightened by what I was doing - hey, they have Fox News in Japan I'm sure - and started nervously huddling together.

Then, my friends explained to them it's okay, I'm just praying and that I'm not about to hurt them.

So they thought they could photoBOMB me.  After they felt okay that I wouldn't hurt them, my prayer became a photoshoot opportunity for them.  Peace signs, ducklips and all.

There are other stories that are similar and I'm sure more to come, but I ask for nonMuslims to do one thing: If you see a Muslim and they look like they MAY be praying, then chances are they're praying.

Don't distract them, don't photobomb them, just let them do their thing. They'll be done in a few minutes and you can ask questions.  I wouldn't see you with a bowed head and folded hands and say "WHATCHA DOIN?" so please have the same respect for us, even if our prayers are a little longer. We need to focus and concentrate, please & thank you!

Also, may God forgive me for the times that I have failed in self restraint and control during these prayers.  They are truly so important and close to my heart that I would never purposely disrespect them.  

May God grant us all the sincerity needed to please Him during our prayers - in every language, in every religion, and at every place and time. May He unite us in our love for Him <3

Do You Expect To Marry Someone That Will Beat You? How Women Are Looked at in Islam

Ironically, a lot of my friends were very nervous when they heard that I was becoming Muslim because they thought I would end up with a guy who would hit me or hurt me or be disrespectful of me. And that's the farthest thing from the truth.

In all the dealings I've had with Muslim men, in general they are very respectful.  They can be harsh, they can be annoying, but that's all men! Not just Muslim guys.

And yes, there are cases of domestic violence among Muslim couples, but there are also cases of domestic violence among nonMuslim couples. From what I have seen through my own experience, Muslim men are actually much LESS violent and abusive - both verbally and physically.

It's a stereotype that Muslim men are violent, but it's not accurate.  Especially with how they treat women.

To be completely honest, I've never been treated so respectfully by a man as I have been by my brothers in Islam.

They are respectful, they don't gawk at you, they don't gawk at other women (at least not openly), they treat you like someone deserving of respect.  And it's due to our religion.

Our religion commands men to be respectful of women:

(Paraphrasing here): A man came to the Prophet Muhammad and asked who he should love most, after Allah and Muhammad, Muhammad said "your mother" and he asked him again, "then who?" and Prophet Muhammad said "your mother", he asked again "your mother" and again, "then, your father."

This shows the greatness of mothers in Islam, and how important it is to treat this woman with respect.

There is another hadith that says that if you raise three girls to be good Muslims, you will be promised Jannah (Heaven).

There's nothing that says the same for raising three boys.

I had a conversation with my grandma about this recently.  She said she hopes that I will find a guy that will show me as much mercy as my grandfather has shown on her.

InshaAllah ya Rab.

And, she asked me if men in Islam are as kind as nonMuslim men.

I told her they are much kinder in general.

I think this mostly because they are commanded to be gentle with their wives by their Creator.  I will talk more about polygamy in a post for later, inshaAllah, but in general they are good to women.

I don't agree with modern society, to be honest with you.  I don't like the idea of women working and children going to a babysitter.  I don't think women are equal to men.  I do, however, think that we are equally as important, but we're not equal.

God denoted the roles of men and women for a reason.  Women are more tender, compassionate, caring and therefore are better suited to stay home with children and take care of them.

Men are better with security, strength, braveness, therefore they are better providers.

And with our duties come responsibilities and rights.  This is the difference of Islam.

We have duties to one another, women are to protect what belongs to their husbands, be loyal in every way, care for their husbands, but men also have duties that aren't the same as women, but are equally important and needed.

I pray that more women and men learn to respect the commands of their Creator and learn to respect our roles.

May Allah (swt) send every deserving woman in the world an equally deserving man, may He make each of the genders a solace for one another and may my future husband respect me as much as I have respected him over my entire life, whether I know him now or not. And Ya Rab he is REALLY HOT ;)

To My Beautiful Mother After Ten Years Apart... Allah Yarhamha <3

Everyone told me it would get easier as time went on. They all lied. It's never easier - Just different. Grandma and I often comment on how we think you will just come home. That you're coming back and you're only at work or running to the store. But, you're still not back.

Today marks ten years since I was the most heartbroken I have ever been.

Ten years of being completely independent, self sufficient, and being an adult. Ten years without being woken up for school, without being annoyed by the smell of bleach on Saturday mornings, being embarrassed how you said "oDviously!" and how you would dance around the house when my friends were over, and sitting in the car for hours talking about nothing. Ten years without my best friend.

Ten years since my mother died. Allah yarhamha ya Rab.

Don't get me wrong, I am very blessed that I had you, my beautiful mother for thirteen years, Alhamdulilah, but the feeling of longing for someone never goes away. When I say I miss you, these words are not even close to enough.

I remember sitting in the bathtub the day after it happened and thanking God I had gotten through 24 hours. And even at that age I realized that months would come. And eventually years. And even decades. And I would be on my own. I was terrified. I'm so proud of my last ten years of life and I only wish you could share in all of the events that have happened in the last ten years.

I started and graduated high school without you, I started and graduated college, I moved to Los Angeles (such a you thing!), I found myself in my faith, and grandma and I are friends now. I found out I have a brother, I lost other really important people, I got Olive, and I am in Real Estate just like you. I'm a legit adult!

And, the next ten years will bring even more that you will miss out on, but that's okay because all of these things - including losing you - was what God had planned. And He is the Best of Planners.

My beautiful mother, I pray that God has Mercy on you. That He shows His Favor on you. That He grants you all of the best in the next life. That He gives you only what you deserve. That He forgives you. That He accepts all of the prayers I have made for you. That He reunites us in the most beautiful way in Paradise where nothing is only temporary. And, that He is so pleased with the beautiful soul that He gave you.

I'll love you forever but I'll only miss you for now, inshaAllah 

After all, you never belonged to me, you only belong to Him.

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ

So, We Started a Charity

Bismillah AlRahman AlRaheem...

Two weeks ago a friend and I were browsing a local thrift store and decided we should buy some clothes to give to homeless people.

Today I watched a video and was completely inspired. The person in the video gave $1000 to a homeless person who was definitely in need of it.

So, I decided I wanted to make care packages to give to LA's homeless because every time I see and give a couple dollars I realize it wouldn't make nearly the impact that some of their necessities may make:

- A new change of clothes: a shirt, pants, underwear & socks

- A lunch: sandwich, chips, cookies

- Hygiene products: deodorant, tooth brush & paste

- A verse from Quran or Hadith translated in English so they can taste the beauty of Islam

Combined these products will cost me about $10 per bag. I have a goal of raising $500 in order for us to make 50 bags.

So, my friends and I came together to each contribute a portion in order to help the homeless.

We hoped you may be willing to help as well.

If so, I ask you to : 1) make du'aa for us.

2) Contribute even a small amount if you can: HELP LA'S HOMELESS 

You can read more about it at the site or below.

Jazak Allah khair.

Wow. SubhanAllah, we are so blessed. We are on the computer right now. We are sitting somewhere warm. We are wearing clean clothes. We are well fed. We believe in God. This is a blessing.

Please remember that "every moment in which you were free from distress came only from Allah (swt). It was only a gift that He (swt) gave you - from His Mercy to you." Alhamdulilah.

So in celebration and thankfulness of our blessings, we wanted to bless other people. We would like you to help if you are able. We're all human and are all in need of help in different ways independent of if we are Muslims or not.

For us, we're just a group of five Muslim girls that wants to get together to help out the Los Angeles homeless we see every day. We try to help with a few dollars when we can and someone asks us, but what would be more meaningful is to give a bag of new clothes, maybe a deodorant or other small hygene products, and a sandwich. It's so simple.

So the five of us wanted to open this up to everyone else to see if you would be interested in helping and inshaAllah receiving some of the ajr too (Allah knows we need it!) Each of us is donating, but it would be way more helpful to these people if we pull our resources.

Our goal isn't too major, and I hope you will consider donating even a tiny amount.

Jazak Allah khair and please keep those less fortunate than us in your prayers.

Please Help!

Salaam all:

I know I haven't posted in a while - inshaAllah I plan to write a few posts this weekend - I finally have just a bit of extra time.

I wondered if you may consider helping someone, inshaAllah.  Tina Shammohammadi, the artist whose work I feature on my page (BEAUTIFUL artwork might I say) has started a fund for a woman that she knows that is trying to save up to rent a new apartment for her and her 2 children - this requires a significant deposit. The apartment she was living in decided to sell the house and she needs to move out.

Alhamdulilah, we are so blessed to have roofs over our heads and the ability to give back to others.

Please consider donating if you are able.  Please also keep this family in your du'aa.

Here is the link to do so: HOME FOR FAMILY OF 3

Tina is such an amazing person mashaAllah to think to create this fund, we should try to donate to help out.

Jazak Allah khair and look for my upcoming posts!!

"Be sure that when we put money in the hand of the poor, it is like putting it into the Hand of God"