Happy Shahada Anniversary To Me <3

Alhamdulilah, so happy that today is the anniversary of the best day of my entire life: the day I took my shahada. Every year, I can't help but reflect on the conversation I accidentally overheard the day I took my shahada in which two individuals at the masjid had bets on how long I would be Muslim for.

To them, I was just another girl going through a "Muslim phase" as they had seen in others before.

I was OBVIOUSLY just converting for a guy.  Or because I was bored.

So proud every year that I have only fallen more in love with Islam.

The biggest Mercy in my entire life was that Allah (swt) chose me to be Muslim, and there was no greater blessing I have ever experienced.

The journey has not been easy - and still I am challenged every day.  But, I am proud to say that I am growing and evolving with the changes in my life, and I am so blessed to have the guidance and support of Islam in order to do so.

Happy Shahada Anniversary to me! <3

Please keep me in your du'aa.

Love all of you

If I Could Change One Thing About Muslims...

Someone asked me this week if I could change anything about Muslims, what would it be.  

Here's what: Making the haram halal and making the halal haram.  

Two quick examples:

1) It's not haram to marry someone you love, it's haram to force your child to marry someone just because he/she is in the same tribe.

2) It's not halal to judge someone regarding how religious they are as a convert, it's halal to know that they have less sins than you.

I could write about this one for days, but just wanted to give some perspective to one thing I wish could be changed.

<3

Ten Things I Love & Ten Things I Hate About Saudia

I'll go back and forth so as to not provide uppers or downers :) LOVE: 1. I can cover my face and NO ONE cares.

I can cover it at work.  At the mall.  In public.  And never once has anyone said "go back where you came from!"  Ironically, this is not where I came from and America is :)

HATE: 1. People think I'm Saudi.

I can get along in Arabic pretty well.  Full conversations, even.  But when someone asks me something really specific, I can't get it.  I've also been yelled at no less than ten times for going with the international workers instead of the Saudis.  I constantly have to yell "HEY! I'm WHITE!"

LOVE: 2. The FOOD!

OMG it's so gooooooood! Everything is halal!! And yet still, MIRACULOUSLY, I lost 10 more pounds.

HATE: 2. The drama of getting food

Call a driver, take the driver to a restaurant, get the food, come home with the food, eat the food.  No thank you.

LOVE: 3. A majority of the people

Never met nicer people in my entire life.  Everyone is happy to help me.

HATE: 3. A minority of the people

They make the *tsk tsk* noise at me sometimes.  Maybe too much of my eyes show? Maybe the top of my foot peeked out? Sorry people, but I'm doing my best.  And some of you *tsk tsk*ers aren't as holy as you think. Also, in one meeting a man absolutely REFUSED to look at me the entire time or speak to me EVENTHOUGH I was the person he should have been speaking to.  I hated him.  He had an evil twinkle.  The boys at work defended me.

LOVE: 4. Not driving

Woah, it's really nice to not have to drive in this city where the driving is PSYCHOTIC.

HATE: 4. Getting nauseous in the backseat

If I don't take an SUV, there is no doubt I will puke within 3 minutes.

LOVE: 5. The houses

I've only visited a few of my friends at their particular houses, but woah! They were gorgeous mashaAllah!

HATE: 5. Having outfits with no where to go

The social scene here for me is still very slowly improving - I wish I had tons of friends here that we have stuff to do all day, but I just don't.

LOVE: 6. Work

The people I work with are HILARIOUS and we're all a gang like we knew each other for years. (Inside jokes GALORE! To the point we bust out laughing during the meetings).  They literally keep me sane when Hate #6 happens.

HATE: 6. THE FREAKING SYSTEMS

So, I guess we can say I did this to myself by accepting a government job, but OMG it's like pulling teeth to do ANYTHING.  I just now got a bank account today.  It took a whole month.  I lived on $700.  I've never lived on $700 in my entire life for a whole month.  Alhamdulilah I made it through, but I couldn't transfer money! It was tragic.  My iqama took forever to come.  My housing is still a messed up situation. UGH! Thank God for Love #6.

LOVE: 7. Improving my Arabic

It's gotten a legit 10% better since I've been here - and it's been just one month.  Imagine after a year, inshaAllah!

HATE: 7. I kinda miss English

Today I spoke Arabic for 82% of my day.  Just spoke English to the Subway guy.  I want to speak English people.  I miss my language :(

LOVE: 8. The humor

I get it soooooo much better than I get white people jokes.  Hate to say it.

HATE: 8. How rude workers are

For example, at the bank, they needed to see my iqama.  Instead of doing the American style, "How may I help you? May I please see your iqama?" the guy just said "Gimme that"  I wanted to cry.  I miss the nice way.

LOVE: 9. Making new friends

HATE: 9. Gahwa Arabi

I realllllly am ashamed to tell you this, but I HATE Arabic coffee, astaghfirAllah.  It does not taste good AT ALL.  I don't know how you guys drink this stuff.  And, I am constantly being offered it as if it is the supply of life.  BLAH.  Turkish coffee, please! P.S. I miss Starbucks.

LOVE: 10. A new culture

I thought I knew Saudi culture before I came.  I was pretty well prepared for an American, but still the culture continues to surprise me every day.   It makes me laugh, it makes me cry.  Just like American culture.

HATE: 10. Other foreigners

I can't stand how they walk.  Please, if you're moving, keep moving.  If you're stopping, move to the side and stop.  Also, don't eat spaghetti at 7 am.  Also, good for you that you can do arts and crafts but if you can't make a graph, I will hit you.  Not trying to be racist, but they drive me a little nuts.

I once read a quote that said, "I often wondered why birds could go anywhere in the world and yet they stay close to home.  I asked myself the same thing."  Life is short and this world is huge.

A Guy Will Leave You, God Won't

I just wanted to mention to all the wonderful, intelligent, beautiful women I know this: God will never leave you. I have heard about several of my friends getting divorced or going through marital problems over the past few months, and I hope you are all so incredibly aware that no matter what happens with a guy - God is never forsaking you.

Sometimes people ask me how I'm still Muslim after four years.  It's a terribly offensive question, but once I get over the offense, I ask them what they mean.  They say its because after a few years every convert they know left Islam.

The one common thread I see is this: they believed Islam was the path to a particular man.  

Here's the secret: Islam is the path to Jannah.  

For me, I did not love Islam because of a guy. I loved Islam because of Allah.

This love is never wavering.  This love doesn't have parents that don't approve of you.  This love does not have conditions.  This love does not require you to move. This love is unconditional and eternal.  

So, my wonderful sisters, know Allah is here for you in all times.  As am I.  And if you need something, don't hesitate to ask, but make sure that you don't associate our perfect religion with an imperfect man or imperfect culture or imperfect family.  

He has better planned.  For you and me, inshaAllah.

Dreams Come True : Hala Wala, Riyadh <3

Just wanted to update everyone on why I haven't been posting.  I've been preparing for my humungous move to Saudi Arabia. Alhamdulilah, I have finally arrived here in Riyadh safe and sound.

Thanks everyone for your du'aa, support, and love <3

I am so thankful that I was able to achieve my huge - and seemingly impossible - goal of coming to Saudia.  SubhanAllah, I feel extremely blessed.

May Allah make my stay here a blessed one, and may I be able to visit Masjid Al Haram inshaAllah during my time.

Dreams come true!

May Allah Be Pleased With You, Deah, Yusor & Razan

I cannot even pretend to understand the horrific news story about three YOUNG Muslims that were gunned down in their own apartment over a "parking dispute." I don't understand why it wasn't on the television until a whole day later.

I can't stop myself from getting emotional thinking about the pain and suffering of the family.

But, I have to say these three young people make me so, so, so proud to be Muslim.  They were living out Islam in the best of ways - helping others, giving of themselves and of their time.  They were so normal.  They were so much like the people that I aspire to be like.

It could have been any one of us - any of our friends.  I know I myself have gotten into little spats in public about similar stupid things and I know the other people's reaction was 150% of what it needed to be because of Islam.  And I'm sure the same could be said of them.

Anyways, I can't talk about it much more than that in detail because I'm already dropping tears all over my keyboard.

What I do want to say, however, is that I cannot think of a better way to honor these three beautiful souls than to contribute to something that they were passionate about.

I suggest strongly that you donate to the cause Syrian Dental Relief and fulfill their mission.

May Allah grant them all the highest levels of Jannah and may I have the honor of meeting them all someday in the most beautiful of places.

#WhoIsMuhammad - Who Prophet Muhammad is to Me

The hashtag "‪#‎WhoIsMuhammad‬" was becoming popular yesterday on Twitter, and I just wanted to clear it up for anyone who is not Muslim.... and anyone who is - what exactly Prophet Muhammad (may God's peace be upon him) means to me.

He was a man, not a God...

He was the best example for all of us to follow - independent of our religion.

He made the most beautiful suggestions, one of which being, "If they [those who was fighting him] knew the peace that we have in our hearts, they would be fighting us for that."

He was not someone to be worshipped, and still we do not worship him.  We worship His Maker.

He was humble. He did chores for his wives.

He also received revelation from God. Let's just ponder that thought for a second. I am a middle manager of a real estate company and sometimes I'm stupid enough that I think doing dishes is below me.  He had a direct line to God and yet he's doing laundry - mashaAllah.

He had camel intestines thrown on him while he prayed and didn't stop praying.

He prayed unceasingly.

He had trash thrown on him daily by a certain woman and when she fell ill, he visited her.

He was the best of all of creation. Really!

Books are written about him, and even extremely famous scholars agree he is an amazing human being.

He was a father. He was a husband. He was a friend. He was a companion. He was a businessman. He was a politician. He was a military leader.  And, most importantly, he was a Prophet.

I can't even paint my nails and watch television.

In all sincerity, I wish I had one ounce of his humility, strength, and knowledge.

SubhanAllah, He prayed for me, and for you, before any of us were born and wanted us to all reach Jannah (Heaven) someday.

He loved you without knowing you... whoever you are.

How can you be surprised when I pray for God's peace upon him every time I hear his name?

And, can I tell you a little secret? He is the most beloved person in my entire life - above my mother, friends, my future husband, my future children, and everyone.  Because, without him, I would not be Muslim - and that is the greatest gift I have ever received.

Surely, a man of this character deserves respect. Thus, I don't want him to be ridiculed, mocked, or used to sell magazines, just as I would not want that for anyone I love.

So, that is just a little slice of who he is, and boy do I hope I am blessed enough to meet him in Heaven someday inshaAllah.

I CAN'T EVEN... One of the Most Frustrating Encounters To Date

So in the past few months I've been workin on my fitness (Fergie-Ferg, anyone?) and have lost mucho pounds (much needed).  So, I need new pants!! What a glorious feeling is needing new pants?! It is THE BEST - at least when you looking for smaller pants instead of bigger.

One of my besties is home from Saudia - FINALLY - after a month of being estranged from her. I was so happy to get to go shopping with her this Saturday.  Although she doesn't choose to wear traditional Muslim attire, she does not dress provacatively by any means.  She is always classy, well covered, and fabulous all at the same time - with or without hijab I would say she is modest. Beyond that, I am not worthy of judging her.

Together we may not look like the most obvious choices of friends, me in abaya and her in her fashionable outfit, but all that I care about is someone's heart - and mashaAllah she has a wonderful heart and a strong faith in Islam.  Love you, Loomz.

Anywho, we were shopping in Zara - both together (oh em gee, I like this jacket) and separately (emo as she is a size 0 and I am a size 100).  When she went to get in line to pay, I followed her in line.  Because there were many conversations going on around us, we must not have been gabbing much to one another, and then.... it happened.

There was an older woman behind me - she was foreign, but I will reserve the dignity to avoid saying where she was from.  She was maybe 55 years old and dressed.... fine.  She was dressed like any other 55 year old in a bright orange outfit.  She was standing two people behind me in line and there was another woman, from the same or a similar country directly behind me.

I didn't pay attention to them for a majority of the time in line, until Loomi got called to check out right before me.  Then, I started to pay attention to the noises around me.  The women were talking about me. 

What the heck! Don't talk about me while I'm standing literally directly in front of you! That's rude! I wanted to turn and say "hey! that's rude!" but, I thought to myself, 'no, they are older than you, Hannah, be respectful.'  So I bit my tongue.

Then, I started listening to exactly what they were saying - in English with THICK accents - #justsayin

"Wouldn't it be oppression to dress like this?" one said. (THE WORD IS OPPRESSIVE!)

"Thank God I was not born to people like this" the other said.

"There is no reason to dress that way! We should fit in with our surroundings at all times."

"America is a free country, she should dress as she wants.  In her country that must not be allowed."

I wanted to SCREAM.  I turned around and rolled my eyes, hopefully so they would get the picture that HEY! I SPEAK ENGLISH AND THAT IS SO RUDE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!

They continued on.... with more rude comments about how "oppressed" I am in broken English.

And from the second that Loomi returned to me while I then moved forward to check out, I was FUMING in anger.  I'm thankful I didn't respond then, but I now am clear minded enough to assert what exactly I should have said, had I been intelligent at the time.

Now for what I should have done....

I should have said that it is unfair that they are judging me based on how I dress.

I should have said this is America, and I can dress as I please, and I can practice my faith openly and freely.  I should have said if you don't like that, then GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY - because that is the BEAUTY of America.

I should have said I AM AMERICAN! I should have brought up the fact that they are foreign born and I am American born, thus using their logic, I am deserving of rights beyond them.

I should have encouraged them to dress as is appropriate of a 55 year old, if they wanted to encourage me to dress "Americanized."

I should have explained that my English is not broken, nor is my spirit when I walk around in abaya and hijab.  I should have explained it is JUST THE OPPOSITE and that when I wear these pieces of cloth, I am LIBERATED in knowing that the fashion trends of 2015 will not rule my life, but God rules my life.  And, I should have pointed out that one of my best friends is wearing an outfit similar to theirs and there is no problem with that.  I am not judging, nor should they.

I should have told them that if they are going to talk about me to my back, they should say it to my face and not be so cowardly.

I am not by any means an angry person, or someone that is easily offended - usually.  Sweet little Loomi has cried when people say rude things to me before when I have laughed them off.  Most rude comments roll off my back, but not those that sting like this.  If you are proud enough to say something to my face, I would love to discuss with you like adults, but if you are going to belittle me behind my back, then you will upset me.

I wish I could reverse time and be back in that situation with this clear head... my heart is still racing while writing this post, however, so perhaps best that I continue to wait before I explore time travel.

Please, please, please, lady, STOP JUDGING ME.  Stop thinking I'm wearing this because I am oppressed.  It is my choice.  Just like it is your choice to wear a bright orange t-shirt.  Welcome to America, honey, my birth country where I can wear a bikini or a burka and be completely within my rights.

May Allah forgive me for anything negative I have said or thought about these women - particularly the one I described in detail.  May Allah forgive her for the pain and anger she put in my heart over the past five days.  May Allah continue to protect our ummah from these negative thoughts and feelings.  And, may He guide everyone in making choices - freely - that are in our best interests and are of His Favor.